past melancholy (prayer)

   yesterday was bad. i found out that yet another friend has chosen to be atheist. this one floored me more than all the rest. not because i will worry about him...i won't. no it is more than that. he has seen things and done things that should convince him there is more than just science and logic in this world. we cleared a house of a trapped entity and freed trapped souls in the process. does he now think that was all just some game or illusion?? something we made up?? or was it all a lie from the beginning?? lets play along and pretend to believe? only i didn't call him about the troubles in that damn house...he called me asking for help and i gave it. he was also one of the people across the country who helped protect a mutual friends' children when the family was living on evil land. how can you experience something like that a just turn away as if none of it is real?
   so...i passed melancholy and went to anger and sorrow yesterday. it would be hard now to say which emotion was the stronger of the two. i "feel" like my entire friendship with this guy has been based on lies. then at my lowest point in the day i found myself crying in anger and frustration. i screamed at my gods..any god. ARE THEY RIGHT???? DO YOU EXIST OR AM I JUST CRAZY AND DELUSIONAL??? then i took a deep breath....had lunch and read a book for the rest of the day. there was no sudden relief or peace or burning bushes. the gods didn't appear or talk to me....
    until today....when another friend posted this on facebook....
  

Believes that prayer changed the way I think. This is evident by the affirmation of positive beliefs and my current rejection of limitations. It continually elevates my consciousness, making me confident and purposeful. So, why shouldn’t I do this. What does prayer do for you?

   that about sums it up. i thanked this much more casual friend for his timely post and let him know it was pretty much the answer to a prayer. then i started my day over with prayer. i am very grateful to have the kind of relationship with my Gods that allows me to doubt and scream. the doubt is something that took me by surprise and i strongly suspect it was more doubt in self than in God or Goddess. i am over the seeming epidemic of friends who choose atheism. it makes me sad, but as we say in recovery...better them than me.